White Salmon

Our soap or our salmon can travel in tins. – Songs of Education: “Geography” by G. K. Chesterton

I like eating fish, but not all fish. I find tuna dry, nondescript, and rather tasteless. I do like salmon, however, which can be hard on the budget. One of my hobbies is chopping firewood, which saves us money and keeps me away from more expensive pursuits. So salmon sandwiches in my lunch pail is a luxury I allow myself, like an occasional cigar, or a Nero Wolfe book with its dust jacket intact, if the price is not too steep.

Theresa (my wife) indulges this luxury of mine and has gone one better: she makes sandwiches out of special white salmon. She discovered this from my mom, who used to make white salmon sandwiches for Dad and me before Dad retired and I got married. Mom said that she discovered white salmon in a specialty shop, and told us it is considered by connoisseurs to be the finest of all the varieties of salmon. I have asked at various stores where the white salmon is, and I always get the same reply: “We do not carry white salmon, sir.” When I ask my mom, or my wife, they become vague and talk about some store on the other side of town on a street whose name they cannot remember.

One Saturday morning I was shopping with my wife at the kind of store where they sell everything from furniture to ketchup. I got an idea that they might have some old black and white movies here, maybe some from Ealing Studios.

I walked along the aisles for a few miles and tried to get help from the store clerks who did not get their heads down in time to ignore me—“Movies are in aisle four, sir, in Electronics”—explored the latest craze in toasters—“You will find movies are in aisle four, sir, you are in Cooking”—spent a pleasant half-hour in a labyrinth filled with kettles equipped with safety features that cause them to shut off automatically before the water gets warm—“You will find movies in aisle four on the other side; this is aisle fifteen”—and finally got to aisle four—“You are in aisle four, sir.”

Aisle four had miniature telephones, calculators, and printers, but appeared to be innocent of movies. Strong emotions reared up within me. Down an aisle I saw a lady wearing a vest and leaning on a cart, and I walked over to her saying with irony (and I meant it!): “Do you sell movies in this store? You know, the talkies? Delightful images that wander across television screens to relay a story?”

She glanced up with tired eyes and pointed into her cart at a pile of DVDs. “You mean those?” She then pointed to a rack beside me, “Or those?” and then swept her arms in an arc across several rows of shelves filled with movies saying, “or those? Are those things what you are looking for?” Putting her head back down, she ambled away, pushing her cart, oblivious to my faltering apologies.

I found a movie.

At the checkout counter, the lady picked up my purchase, then looked me straight in the eye and shouted, “Points?”

I looked back at her. She turned to my wife beside me who said, “No.”

“Thanks,” said the lady. “Nothing personal, but your husband had that dumb deer-in-the-headlights look. I knew it was a waste of time trying to get a sensible answer from him.”

We got home just in time for lunch. Theresa had promised me my favourite, white salmon, to make up for the morning’s ordeal. In my chair, from the kitchen I heard Theresa say “Drat” rather sharply. Looking through the doorway I saw her with her finger in her mouth; she had cut it while opened a tin.

“Here, Theresa. I’ll help with that,” I said, getting up.

“No, just stay there,” Theresa told me. “It is no big deal. Go back. Sit down. Lunch will be ready in a moment.”

I got up anyway above her continued protests and came into the kitchen. There, in the mixing bowl, was a pile of white salmon and diced onions. And there, beside the bowl on the counter, were four empty tins with the words Finest Flaked Tuna on the label.

“Hey, why do all these cans say tuna? … ? … !”

Saint Kateri , Canada’s Protectress

This was the title given to Saint Kateri Tekakwitha, by Pope Benedict XVI, when he canonized her on October 28th, 2012, along with six others, in Saint Peter’ Square (she had been beatified by Pope John Paul II back in 1980). With Saint Joseph as our protector, along with the Canadian martyrs, we seem to[…]Continue reading→

Remembering Father Alphonse de Valk

(Today marks the sixth anniversary of the death of Father Alphonse de Valk, C.S.B., a faithful, courageous and indefatigable Basilian priest, pro-life-and-family apostle, and the founder of Catholic Insight magazine. Here is what we wrote those on his entering into eternity five years ago, as we continue to remember him in our prayers and thoughts)[…]Continue reading→

My Name is Bernadette

April 16th is a propitious day, for besides the anniversary of Father de Valk’s death, who founded Catholic Insight in its print form decades ago, and the commemoration of the ‘two Benedicts’, mentioned in accompanying posts, today we also recall Saint Bernadette Soubirous, the young visionary to whom the Virgin Mary appeared numerous times at[…]Continue reading→

Canonizing Sister Faustina and Divine Mercy

HOMILY OF THE HOLY FATHER  MASS IN ST PETER’S SQUARE FOR THE CANONIZATION OF SR MARY FAUSTINA KOWALSKA Sunday, 30 April 2000   1. “Confitemini Domino quoniam bonus, quoniam in saeculum misericordia eius”; “Give thanks to the Lord for he is good; his steadfast love endures for ever” (Ps 118: 1). So the Church sings on the Octave of[…]Continue reading→

Divine Mercy Sunday – An Echo of Every Mass

Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe’…  ‘My Lord and my God!’ (Jn. 20:18)). Today is Divine Mercy Sunday, and as we celebrate the end of the Easter Octave, we contemplate the wounded side of our Saviour, the Church’s source of life. On Good Friday in the[…]Continue reading→

First Holy Communion: Sermon from May 16, 1943

 Here is a sermon from the good old days by +Rev. Msgr. Vincent Nicholas Foy (August 14, 1915 – March 13, 2017), from 1943. Readers may recall that Pope Saint Pius X, by the decree Quam Singulari in 1910, lowered the customary age of reception of Holy Communion – after the rigours of the plague[…]Continue reading→

In the Glorious Light of Easter, Alleluia!

Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth, for you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life is revealed, then you also will be revealed with him in glory (Col. 3:3-4). The Resurrection of Our Lord and Saviour[…]Continue reading→

An Ancient Homily for Holy Saturday

The time between Good Friday and Easter Sunday is one of waiting, in silence, as the world wonders – anticipates – what will happen, after the death of Christ. We re-live this time each year in the anamnesis of our liturgy, and in turn look forward to the glorious re-creation of all things at the[…]Continue reading→

Europe’s Long Descent

(As we meditate on this day on Christ’s burial, and His descent into hell, it is fitting to ponder here with contributor Peter Marcus how the world seems to be heading there as well. The difference is that, although God cannot ‘redeem’ hell, nor those therein, He can and did redeem the world. There is[…]Continue reading→

Pope Saint John Paul II’s First Good Friday Homily

ADDRESS OF HIS HOLINESS JOHN PAUL II AT THE CONCLUSION OF THE STATIONS OF THE CROSS AT THE COLOSSEUM Good Friday, 13 April 1979   When we make the Way of the Cross from one station to the next, in spirit we are always at the spot wherethis journey had its “historical” place: where it[…]Continue reading→